Meal Time Storyteller Gifts

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"Name your sources."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.