Meal Decision Connoisseur Gifts

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Quick swig first?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

The Aisle

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

WAITING ROOM

The Waiter

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

"Got anything not so close to the kitchen?"

"Let's make the bill easy and just split it."

"Ça suffit, good buddy!"

"This wine is CORKED!"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Would you like to see the wine list?"

'Don't overdo the mustard, sir -- we're trying to control costs around here.'

"The first bottle sounds perfect...but the other bottle has such a pretty label!"

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'