Dining Decision-maker Gifts

"He'll have the meat loaf"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

'Every war game scenario I've run has you picking up the check.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"

Casino. All you can eat buffet. Now here's a game where I can beat the house!

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

'Water? Still? Sparkling? Mountain? Hill? Bottle? Tap? Warm? Cold? Ice? Lemon?'

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Once again the correct answer is 'I don't know.'"

"I'll have what she's having when she decides what she's having."

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

'I'm concerned about your cholesterol level.'

'Never mind the flambe...I'll have the icecream.'

'I'd recommend the 'businessman's special', it's down 3/8's today...'

This fly is doing the backstroke

"Can't decide? Why don't I bring you a gift certificate. You could give it to someone who can."

'Evasion is such an ugly term - we prefer to call it lunch bill 'planning'.'

Restaurant deciding whether to cater or not to cater.

'Here's the game plan...go tell the cook he fumbled on the catch of the day.'

"So, order in or go out?"

'If you are interested, we do sell reading glasses for $25 each.'

Gastrodamus.