Maturity Musings Pillows

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

Mental baggage, a brain with a handle for easy carrying.

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

"Hey, Siri, is it too late to threaten my parents with running away from home?"

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

'Son, I think you're old enough now to know about the birds and the fleas.'

"Good news, mom and dad! It took 20 years, but I finally over my 'I know more than you' phase."

Al, what advice would you give me as I begin my journey on the highway of adulthood? Pull over onto the shoulder and pretend you have engine trouble. With luck, a beautiful female mechanic will stop to help.

"Dad, I've been thinking it might make things better between us if I just called you Ed."

Moo! Honk! Don't stoop to their level Henry!

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

Grow up, Slim.

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

'If there is an unlimited supply of something....mortality is that it make our time finite....I think I'll poop on this guy's head.'

'I keep thinking about teaching.'

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'

"Tell me more about this inferiority complex."

'Mumsie, Billy called me a snob... can I sue him?'

Nethead strip: Psycho analyst

Cocoa. Make it a double. Sure, Myles. Coming up. Here ya go. Double today, everything okay? Oh yeah, sure. What's not okay about realizing 3rd grader means a whole bunch of homework and Sally Anne Peters wanted to talk about feelings? Tell me all this weirdness ends soon. Triple on the house.

"No, we're not getting any younger, but why, pray tell, is that such a revelation to us?"

Immature Cheese

'Of course I've become more mature since you started treating me. You've been at it since I was 14 years old.'