Maturity Philosopher Pillows

Grow up, Slim.

"So, what do you do for play?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Apocalliptical

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

How Moms explain.

Balding Autumn Tree.

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

Mall of ages

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

Baby Teething Problems.

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

Grim Reaper Checkout

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

'I would be more health conscious if only I could also be unconscious.'

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."