Age-conscious Philosopher Pillows

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Could I ask just one question?"

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm here for the hair."

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

Young Galileo

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

Balding Autumn Tree.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

Mall of ages