Maturity Pillows

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

'What kind of crazy nonsense is that? It sounds like you've been listening to your inner adult again!'

"Son, giving you money for college would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do."

I need to figure it to break it to my parents that I understand about death. I''m going to sit them down and tell them that I understand our cat Magus died and that's why her body stopped working. I'm going to explain that death is a natural part of life and that they don't have to treat me like a baby. I get it. If they're still feeling upset, I'll offer to take them out so they can buy themselves a treat. If all else fails, ice cream.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

Origins Of Evolution

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

"No need to push, Mother—I'm going."

Don't make me look! How do you like my prom dress? Don't make me look! Chill, dad, it's Nana's old dress. It isn't revealing, Honey. It's no the old dress. It's my old little girl I can't look at!

"They grow up so fast."

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son