Mature Moments Pillows

'Mumsie, Billy called me a snob... can I sue him?'

"So, what do you do for play?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

". . . and now it's his memory. Three times on Saturday he asked me what day it was. Or did I already tell you that earlier?"

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

"I didn't start seriously accessorizing until my mid-thirties."

"My memory's not too good these days."

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

'I must be growing up. I've caught myself washing my hands without being told to.'

"Marie, are you still driving?"

"My father would never let me marry a boy with a combover."

'Take your cartoons serious son, remember, laughter is a serious business.'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

'Son, I think you're old enough now to know about the birds and the fleas.'

'I must be getting older. I tried to make an adorable remark to mom yesterday, and it came out all smart-alecky.'

The Name Brain

From the Big Book of Childhood Realizatons: No. 3,271

"Good news, mom and dad! It took 20 years, but I finally over my 'I know more than you' phase."

"Dad, I've been thinking it might make things better between us if I just called you Ed."

'Mine does the same...a loud involuntary groan every time he sits or gets up.'

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

Immature Cheese

'My drawings on the fridge are nice, but my video of grandmom putting them there just went viral!'

"Yes, mom, I forgot my towel. Now I need an exit strategy!"

"I said, is it Thursday?"

Sickbed

'I'm doing this just to show my daughter there's no harm in losing.'