Mattress Maven Gifts

'How much money does it hold?'

"He says if this is his death bed - he'd like a harder mattress."

"Looks like you need a KING."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Muscles

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

Non-Drip ?

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

"Call me Ishmael."

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Bleak House

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

Body Building Mishap

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'