Modern Family Maven Gifts

"Jim, don't you think it's time you told Travis to look up the meaning of 'Birds and Bees' on google?"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.

Non-Drip ?

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

Pollock Painting Company

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

Bleak House

"In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say."

"Is that all you can say - 'It's not messy'?"

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"Oh, grow up!"

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'

"Sheesh, I did NOT say we have to redo everything! Just look at some swatches with me."

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."

'Dear, your ego is stepping on my shoes again.'

"Could I have another quick look at your references, Barker?"