Matrimony Muse Gifts

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 3- Street Lamps Lighting a Lady's Toilet Mirror

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

News of the Day - Peace: 'what strange mirrors they make these days'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Happy Mothers Day

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Proud mother and new maid

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Dog Statue

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

Modern day mirror.

"Buy them - and never look back."

Marriage & Divorce.

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

I'm just amazed at the difference in you since you started dating Picasso!

Old man watering Death.

'That's not the way you used to zip me up when we were first married.'

"He hasn't the heart to discharge her. She's been with him for years."

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

"Brilliant idea of yours,darling-only inviting no-sweet tooths!"