Matrimony Muse Gifts

'My client doesn't wish to answer any more questions.'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 3- Street Lamps Lighting a Lady's Toilet Mirror

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

News of the Day - Peace: 'what strange mirrors they make these days'

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

Happy Mothers Day

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Proud mother and new maid

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

Modern day mirror.

Dog Statue

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

"Buy them - and never look back."

Marriage & Divorce.

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

I'm not channeling your husband

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

'That's not the way you used to zip me up when we were first married.'

"He hasn't the heart to discharge her. She's been with him for years."

Old man watering Death.