Math Satirist Gifts

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Spot the difference.

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!