Maternity Leave Gifts

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'I think you're getting to big for this job.'

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leave every few months...'

'Home from work at last!!'

Newborn Chaos

'No, I don't think you can claim under industrial accidents.'

"...Thursday - you are due in hospital to have a baby. Friday - you..."

'I'm putting you on flex time so you can have your baby and still do a full 40 hours.'

'I know the ad said 'temporary,' but when did you say you had your last contraction?'

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

Who'll fill in while your English teacher is on maternity leave? Probably and old-bag substitute. Teach English for a couple of months? I'd love to! Umm, nana? Aren't you too old to go back to teaching? Au contraire! They don't want anyone who could possibly get pregnant. Uh-oh. Age discrimination.

Baby Mums.

"You're such a good listener little guy...you're pooping again aren't you?"

New Mothers and Priorities

'We give maternity leave on condition you name your baby after our company.'

'How do you know it's a bank in trouble?' ~ 'All the tellers are pregnant.'

Mother racing to work for a company with day care and a health club.

Babies in the House of Commons

"Rabbit's on maternity leave. I'm the understudy. And take it easy on the ears."

The way the men in her lab acted when she was pregnant, you'd have thought Ann was going to give birth to seven-pounds of plutonium.

We aren't able to provide any childcare in the office but we may be able to get someone to go 'Oose a luvverly idgy bidgy baby'?

Women on maternity leave have reduced access to online recruitment.

"Maternity leave, again!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Bureau of Labor Statistics. I don't think he knows what we do here. He said I could take maternity leave as long as I reported back with the data from the childbirth process!

"When did we start serving root beer?"

Laptops

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leav every few months...'

'Ahhh...'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

So … you do a lot of yoga?