Materialistic Humor Fan Gifts

Photo of John?

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

How men process questions.

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Italy just bought France."

Sign # 23 that you've spent too much time at a game: your nails are longer than your fingers and your hair touches your ankles.

Biden Ignores the G7 Leaders on Afghanistan

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."