Materialistic Humor Fan Gifts

Photo of John?

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'More government surveillance!'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

How men process questions.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

'It's all due to the birthrate falling drastically...'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

Biden Ignores the G7 Leaders on Afghanistan

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"Italy just bought France."

'It's educational TV, Mom — the redheaded girl in the lime-green bikini has a teaching degree.'

"Our vegan dishes are the same as what cows eat: Nitrates, Pesticides, Ammonia, Antibiotics..."

A whale with corporate sponsorship

Who's the Rogue State?