Materialism Humorist Gifts

'Reggie is quite delightful, a jolly good fellow and butler wealthy!'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

Optimist

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Electric Blanket.

Schrödinger and his cat

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

Auguste Comte

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'Heidegger-Hi!'

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

Seneca

Clever pitbulls.

Vladimir Nabokov

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'