Materialism Debater Gifts

"To eventually be rich enough to throw away brand new stuff."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

'You present a very convincing argument.'

Frankly, it’s too grim for a comedy, and too silly for a tragedy.

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

More Unequal Than Others

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

Yellow Vests

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

'Half-empty...half-full, but probably polluted.'

We just assumed everyone knew they couldn't take it with them.

Capital punishment right or wrong? For men or women?

"And now Professor Weyfeld, of Columbia University, with some liberal claptrap."

The Elephant in the Corner.

School of Voodoo Economics

"So you can take it with you!"

New Gods

'Vegetarian, vegetarian, vegetarian, vegetarian.'

"The glass is half full."

No atheists in Heaven.

Professor Malinowski Failed to Impress His Audience with his Small Bang Theory.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kiley."

'The trouble with trickle-down economics is, when it gets down to me, it keeps right on trickling.'

Consumerism junkie.

Einstein felt vindicated to discover that god in fact did not play dice. He did, though, enjoy a nice game of cribbage.

Other Patron Saints of Christmas

"Never mind."