Materialism Skeptic Gifts

Other Patron Saints of Christmas

"Cute, isn't he? And he's rich - in his wallet he has pictures of his wallet."

"According to your online sales profile, the meaning of life for yours conspicuous consumption."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"I shop, therefore I am."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"You cheap shit! Why can't we have a designer divorce?"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"Oh, this? It can access every piece of knowledge from the history of mankind and I hate it."

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'I can't believe that will get as good mileage as the foot.'

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Someone posted a picture of you working in the yard, so I knew right away it had to be a deepfake."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

A horse driving a Model T tows an Amish buggy.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I totally meant to do that."