Match Fixer Aficionado Pillows

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

Mohamed Salah

Waiting for Pants

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

The commentators want to run the officials...

Playing football with snowmen in goal.

'He ordered those 'natural male enhancements',and now he watches football all the time!'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'We're in a hurry.'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Sisyphus

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

World Cup reactions

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

God's lil' fix-it shop.

"The bad news is he only has two minutes to live, the good news is it's in football time.""

'Lose another wrench to that black hole that sucks up all tools the instant you drop it?'

Power and the Glory tools

Rafa Benitez

'That's David James, that's Sven...'

Footballer.

'Structural strength test? Next door!'