Match Analyst Gifts

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Apparently the first leg was a bit contentious.'

Praying for a goal assist.

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Centaur Forward

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

Basketball.

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

Lost Season

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

Wilfried Zaha

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."