Football Analyst Gifts

"Who let Urkel in here?"

Avram Grant, Premier League Manager.

Sepp fashions the new FIFA strip....

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

The Klinsmann code.

'It's amazing what they throw away: a tracksuit, a dozen oranges and another 2-0 lead.'

'...it's foot'n' mouth season ...'

Qatar World Cup 2022 table top football

Football Expert: £25 an hour

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

The Other Cooperstown

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'...I don't like your chances!'

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

Centaur Forward

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Wilfried Zaha

'Nice tackle, Dewey! You knocked the fur ball out of him!'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

Lost Season

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'