Soccer Analyst Gifts

Ferguson winds up Wenger

Spain trial for rigged soccer matches

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Centaur Forward

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."