Master Of Survival Tactics Gifts

No matter how many mistakes you make, they never sack you!

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

65 Million Years Ago

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'Rubbing sticks together was a great idea. After 40 minutes, I'm so warm I don't need a fire!'

'I hate evolution!'

Prepper Dog

The trap

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'Okay, here's the plan...'

"Look, we're all thirsty. You don't see me whining about it."

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"I think I'd be better off trying to figure this out the game on my own."

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

"Just junk mail."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

'Just when you think things can't get any worse, it starts to rain.'

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

'Some more great camouflage of the insect world.'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

'I prefer this way of resolving conflict.'

'No thank you, I'm on a diet: I've noticed that the fat ones disappear first...'

'I think it's for compliance with some Federal safety regulation.'

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

'...and why does it have to be MY shirt we use as a sail?'

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, do we build a boat or a tiki bar?"