Survival Tactics Junkie Gifts

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

Goldfish bowl on raft...

65 Million Years Ago

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

Desert Island Mishap

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

'I hate evolution!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

The trap

Help! Send fishing tackle!

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Prepper Dog

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"I swear, if you say 'I'm bored' one more time . . . "

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'Wow, that shift almost got us.'

"Just junk mail."

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Shipwrecked.

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

'Charlie makes a game of everything.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Last mirage for the next 20 miles.