Survival Tactics Junkie T-Shirts

"We're not supposed to talk to him until he's completed his corporate survival training."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Goldfish bowl on raft...

65 Million Years Ago

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

Desert Island Mishap

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

That's actually the gorilla survival manoeuvre. . .

'I hate evolution!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Prepper Dog

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

The trap

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"I swear, if you say 'I'm bored' one more time . . . "

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

'Wow, that shift almost got us.'

Shipwrecked.

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

"Just junk mail."

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

'Charlie makes a game of everything.'

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

Last mirage for the next 20 miles.