Master Of Skivving Gifts

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"Tommy!"

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

Competitive tic-tac-toe

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"The pastor can't be disturbed. He's preparing for Sunday's service."

Fly using tail as skipping rope.

Carpenter

Golf Myths - The Perfect Game.

"Careful, underneath that layer of snow there's a layer of confusion."

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'The pro said my swing was out of this world.'

'If he says 'got milk', I'm gonna bite.

"One More Swing."

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

"It's a lot of work, but a quilt lasts forever."

Football - How's my Diving?

"One thing's for sure, nobody can fan a ball like you."

'I hope he's all right. That Times is three weeks old.'

Carpenter

"Yes, you can marry my daughter, as long as you get out of the way, please."