Married Life Survivor Pillows

Prisoner

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"I have been happily married... three times!"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Ereptile Dysfunction

Generation Ex.

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'How long have you two been married?'

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"I figured, better the devil you know."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

'Muriel had a traumatic experience at a topless beach -- she was sunbathing, and a toddler attacked her.'