Marital Conflict Survivor Pillows

"Honey, I just spent all our real money buying pretend-money." "Siri, search divorce lawyers in my area."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"...until death do you a favor."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"I liked it better when we just had your people call my people."

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

Lady Justice Balances A Marriage Quarrel

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Well. Firstly, I can't take the case because I'm not a divorce lawyer and secondly, I'm your husband."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

"Every time there was a rift in our relationship, we got a cat."

"Now take my life-partner...please...take my life-partner!!"

"Sorry. No refunds."

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"Recently separated."

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."