Single Life Survivor Pillows

"I'd invite you in, but my crap is all over the place."

'1-800 GET LOST Gee, your phone number is an easy one to remember,'

'It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere. I mean, when was the last time you saw a mummy-long-legs?'

Desert Island BBQ

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Caught another one!" "Let's eat!"

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Martin Gray.

Life in Lockdown: Working from Home (The Video Zoom Call)

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

"I'd invite you in, but I'm still cleaning up a few remnants from my previous relationship."

Castaway approach desert island which has 'No Loitering' sign

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"So, this is Becky. She's single and she's totally your type."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

"When he decided to take an early retirement, I took an early divorce."

"This is really putting a crimp in my plan to live in the woods and survive off nothing but berries and grubs."

"Hey, isn't that your "ex" over the road?"

'So I talk to myself! What is it to you?'

'I hear they're delicious when they're sun dried.'

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

"Finally, someone to gossip about."