Single Life Survivor Gifts

"I'd invite you in, but my crap is all over the place."

'1-800 GET LOST Gee, your phone number is an easy one to remember,'

'It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere. I mean, when was the last time you saw a mummy-long-legs?'

Desert Island BBQ

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Caught another one!" "Let's eat!"

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Martin Gray.

"Boy, will I be glad when the weekend gets here!"

Life in Lockdown: Working from Home (The Video Zoom Call)

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

"Technically, I don't think you can claim to have saved your husband's life on several occasions just because you haven't killed him!"

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

Spam.

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

"It's true, of course, that I'm just a machine, but I do have a built-in vibrator."

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

Castaway approach desert island which has 'No Loitering' sign

"I'd invite you in, but I'm still cleaning up a few remnants from my previous relationship."

"So, this is Becky. She's single and she's totally your type."

"When he decided to take an early retirement, I took an early divorce."

"This is really putting a crimp in my plan to live in the woods and survive off nothing but berries and grubs."

"...But if I write 'help' in the sand, I'll lose track of how many days we've been here."

'So I talk to myself! What is it to you?'

'I hear they're delicious when they're sun dried.'