Married Life Veteran Pillows

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

'How long have you two been married?'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."