Marriage Renegade Gifts

"Perhaps you're forgetting our agreement: 'Don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue.' "

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

Music Freak.

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Female Dominance.

Problem solving centre.

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'

Dead cupid

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

TV tie-in book signpost.

It's 10pm. Same time it was last night at this time.