Marriage Renegade T-Shirts

"Perhaps you're forgetting our agreement: 'Don't ask, don't tell, don't pursue.' "

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

Music Freak.

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"There's no way God ever intended man to shove a pillow into a pillowcase!"

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

Female Dominance.

Problem solving centre.

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

'Do I look as though I want to play Monopoly?'

"It starts out with a standard romantic plot: Boy meets Girl, Boy loses Girl, wins her back, Girl kills Boy, devours his head and lays eggs in his carcass. Ok, now here's the twist..."

It's 10pm. Same time it was last night at this time.

TV tie-in book signpost.

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'