Relationship Renegade Gifts

"Well, you said that you wanted us to spice up our sex life..."

'Just what kind of girl do you think I am?'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Well, so long, Bert."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met a lady a while back. We're both stuck in marriages we don't want to be in. We'd rather be together but we don't have the courage to end things. What do you mean "courage"? Ending things isn't "courageous," it's cowardly. Courage means not running from misery, but embracing it, becoming its master, and delivering it upon all those around you with vengeance.

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

"Now is there any chance you'll go to bed with me?"

Couples: 'This weekend, for a change, I'd like to flout convention.'

'Didn't you hear me? I said that I'm going home to my mother!'

'Your place or mine?'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

Dating the efficiency expert.

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

Too Weird to Have a Husband

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

Female Dominance.

'And you must be Hank, my husband's new business partner!'

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"I want you to start thinking back inside the box."

Exams

Problem solving centre.

Church Drive-Thru.

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

Solar Storm Expected!

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"