Marriage Reality Check Pillows

"You've just got a set of clubs for your husband? I'd call that a good exchange!"

Pub

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"We don't talk anymore."

"Are you crazy? I can’t tell her that!"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Wanna talk about it?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Parson and abandoned husband

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

'We don't text anymore.'

"What's wrong?"

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

Cards: Wedding / You've Changed / You don't Understand Me / I'm Leaving! / I'm going for a pint!

"Till death do us part? Hey, I thought this was just supposed to be a starter marriage!"

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

"Yes, ma'am, we do take reservations...and what's your husband's name?"

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'