Marriage Maintenance Gifts

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Sigh. . .You work life balance includes me as well you know.'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'You've changed since we got married.'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Wanna talk about it?

Lazy plumber.

'Will I still be married?'

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."