Improving Marriage Gifts

'You'll find that communication, in a marriage, works best if you start off with a smile and a kiss.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Wanna talk about it?

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

Dan and Irene's 'communication problems' improve, thanks to Richard, their couples therapist.

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"He never takes me anywhere."

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

"I may not be in for a while, Eddie. My wife and I have decided to normalize relations."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber with the second bathroom saved our marriage."

'I understand your reluctance to speak but your marriage is in a rut and your wife needs your input.'

"Honey, would you cover your ears? I want to tell Dr. Kalen something."

'If she's that upset about the football match we're playing in this afternoon, what's she going to be like when she hears about the darts match this evening?'

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."