Marriage Magpie Gifts

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

Counseling $10. This end up. I think we're making progress. I want to kill you both.

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

Gender Symbols

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I married for contrast."

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"This is one of those things you should share before marriage."

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'