Marriage Journey Pillows

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

"There's no other woman! That's whale you smell!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

"Do you...enter name...take...enter name...to be your...choose one from the pull down menu...click the I do icon now please."

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"We didn't spend much time together when we first got married, so we're making up for lost time. We now have a date night 300 days a year."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"We can't even agree what to argue about any more!"

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

Tom had considerable emotional baggage.

"Steve and I live together, but we're getting indicted separately."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"Doc, she and I just don't understand each other any more...it's like we have different operating systems!"

"Same thing every morning. Crack of Don at the crack of dawn."

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

"My wife has been walking five miles a day. I think she's somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania now."

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"My marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic is a park, right?"

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'

A husband and wife who have fallen off of their bicycle

'No, you can't speak to my husband. He's sitting on the naughty step.'

'Same old line - his smartphone doesn't understand him.'

In it for the long haul.

"Norman's a control freak."

Dating Agency with Best Before Dates.

"It's a parking ticket, madam. The prosecution doesn't need you to testify against your husband."

He wouldn't been a great third date, but not quite worth suffering through dates one and two.

'Would it kill you to throw the dirty clothes in the hamper?'

"We would like the bed delivered immediately!"

Coming home to her house-husband.

'We are gathered here to join the couple in matrimony. Possible side effects include depression, migraine, chronic fatigue...'