Marriage Humorer Gifts

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

His and Hers Wedding

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of standing up to your mother."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

"You call that worrying?"

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."