Hospital Humorer Gifts

'Nurse Ryder when was the last time you actually spoke to Mr. Wilson.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

"I've been having stomach problems. I sit on the bathroom for 30 minutes in the morning...and a half-hour in the evening."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

'What's for desert?'

Jelly I.V.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'Urology...can you hold?'

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

Paramedics.

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'You're excused. Anyone else feel too squeamish to witness the procedure?'

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'