Hospital Homorists Gifts

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Dancing Doctor

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'