Marriage Advice Collector Gifts

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'...and then I put some of the anti-viagra in his coffee.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

Parson and abandoned husband

'He never listened to his mother!'

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"He's not the frog I married."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"I do too communicate. I just asked you where the do-dad is to fix the what-cha-ma-call-it!"