Marriage Advice Collector Pillows

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'...and then I put some of the anti-viagra in his coffee.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

Parson and abandoned husband

"Well, it's the same old story, we just don't squark anymore."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"He just married me on the rebound."

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"We usually get along, but when we don't, we fight like, um...well, you know."

"He's not the frog I married."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

"Well, if you'd married a dentist like I wanted, maybe HE could explain Bluetooth to me!"

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

'We believe in resolving a problem as soon as it arises.'