Advice Collector Gifts

Hints for the Park.

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

"First, find someone to blame."

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

Trending wise.

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

"We never have any activities that make for cute anecdotes anymore."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

"We'd like to go somewhere that will provide us with a rich source of after dinner anecdotes!"

'Cake philosophy'

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

Collect all 300 'Theories of educational instruction cards'.

W M. Beemers Adages

'It's all been said already.'

A man opens a medicine cabinet to find a bunch of doctors.

'The good news is that the rest of your day will seem wonderful compared to this.'

Doubt makes the mountain that faith can make disappear.

'Making virtue its own reward isn't EITHER a cop-out!'