Marketing Professional Gifts

'Quick, Ted, get that one down on paper before you forget it.'

"The active ingredient is marketing."

Customer Satisfaction.

It used to be all about truth and justice. Now, mostly I fight for market share.

'We need a campaign to tell the public that we put social responsibility ahead of profits so we can make more profits.'

The focus group hated it. So he showed it to an out-of-focus group.

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

Good start. Needs more gibberish.

Marketing Spin

'Hey! We've never tried a 'pity' strategy before...'

Cutting corners can cost money.

Advertising campaign before product development

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

"Maybe I could just leave a flier then."

'We've broken your list into eighty-four subgroups. Our work here is done.'

Vice President in Charge of Smoke and Vice President in Charge of Mirrors

Publisher to book writer holding up 'Get on Oprah' sign: 'So that's the extent of your marketing plan?'

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'To tell you the truth, I don't think the average consumer will notice. Run with it.'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

"We need to start listening to our customers."

Bob practices lying.

'Hey, no problem! I've always felt that a little sales resistance is a healthy thing!'

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'What's this, Dawkins?another of you 'visual metaphors'?'

"Advertise! Advertise! That's always been your answer for everything."

'In line with our companies environmental policies all our 5.7 litre 'stallion' SUV's are fitted with energy efficient headlamps.'

"I'm afraid the news isn't good. Word has it that consumers are starting to find out what actually matters."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"Well, for this amount we could do you a nice word-of-mouth campaign!"

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"The improvement is the higher price."