Marketing Professionals Gifts

'It's an exciting new synthesis of the classical sales approach and the miracle of direct mail.'

'Sorry - we're all out of bikini models and sunsets. How about this calendar of the twelve best calendars of the year?'

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

"I'm not sure using a funny cartoon in our ad campaign is the right thing for us to do! We are bankers, we have no humor."

Dalek Marketing

"It's a new approach to banking."

"Try our product for 30 days! If not completely satisfied, try it rectally!"

"Well sir, Sue here from the lab figures if we take a metal flask like this and vacuum it empty we can market the contents as a completely chemical free food additive!"

Man hiding behind chair from aggressive tourism advertising

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

'We can't make our phones any smaller. Maybe we can get advertising to get bigger models to hold them.'

Advertising monster making attorneys add things to their specialisation 'serum'

"How about a round of applause for our graphics department for enhancing our slide into oblivion."

Spec Church

'This is serious. I think our area of expertise lacks a buzzword.'

'So you got the endorsement contract?'

"Wow! I can feel it tingle so it must be getting rid of my dandruff!"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Trial by Media

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'How fast can you hype?'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Apples for sale

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!