Marketing Consultant Gifts

The client would prefer fewer open-ended questions.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

"You'll fins some mints on the pillow, polishing our brand."

Creating a powerful personal brand for social networking success.

"Mr. Frobisher has launched a fresh new interface."

'My fan focus groups indicate that I should show more of my legs.'

"We're paying the best social media consultants in town and we're still not getting as many hits as you. What's your secret!?"

Corporate Ethics

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'My consultant recommended the backward e's.'

'Nobody is marketing to me anymore.'

'Why, yes, we could use a Youth Market consultant.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'It's not really rsutling, it's rebranding."

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

"This is our new product consultant."

"I was hoping for something a little more 'cutting edge'."

Bride and groom with advertising on their backs

"Better. . . but we've still some work to do."

Acne.

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

'So, Vincent, who is your target market?'

"How can we know who we are when the best marketing consultants of our time don't know."

'...But when the branding consultant told him that we 'had to get down an play dirty with da Boyz in da Hood' his heart just gave out!'

'Your shops were known for selling secondhand tat, but we want to reimage them as environmentally leading edge social centres for the reutilisation in an enviornmentally sustainable way of secondhand tat!...'

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"Your shops were known for selling secondhand tat, but we wan to reimage them as environmentally leading edge social centres for the reutilisation in an environmentally sustainable way of secondhand tat!..."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"After six weeks of camping out here to observe our operations, the design firm has created a new logo. It's our company's name in blue lower-case letters."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'