Advertising Consultant Gifts

"We produce an inferior line of goods. That's why we're looking for a real first class marketing man."

How to make girls feel uglier so they buy more beauty products.

"Finally! An iconic advertising image that represents Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter!"

Market research shows your aspirin TV commercials are giving people headaches.

"We're paying the best social media consultants in town and we're still not getting as many hits as you. What's your secret!?"

"How about one of those sunny old grandpas who make things look honest?"

'My consultant recommended the backward e's.'

Pristine Planet Productions

Frans Hals Visuals.

"I'm not sure cuteness counts as a core competency? but hey if it gets hits, you're on."

"This is our new product consultant."

"I'm in advertising. . ."

"Better. . . but we've still some work to do."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'How fast can you hype?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

If nobody had invented graphics

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"By the end of next week, these fads such as social media, automobiles and making fire will all be over."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Important Food Groups

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

'We've re-branded.'

Direct Marketing...