Advertising Expert Gifts

The grand opening of an unconvincing shop.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Welcome to the future"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'How fast can you hype?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

This Message Has No Content

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

If nobody had invented graphics

Creative department

Crap from the future.

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

"By the end of next week, these fads such as social media, automobiles and making fire will all be over."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."