Marketing Mocker Gifts

"You have been pre-approved for the platinum experience with cashback rewards."

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

"Well, I guess that old saying really is true: the squeaky wheel gets the grease!"

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"I didn't mind the moustache, Cosgrove, But we definitely have a 'No mustachio' policy."

Fishermen catch a fish paint a 'No Fishing' sign.

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

Memo to all departments: NO!

"My wife says I bore people to death."

'Motivational poster,'

Members only.

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

DESIRE: THE PRODUCT LINE.

'Leave me the figures on my voicemail... I never check it.'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

Yoga Trash Talk

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'

Jesus' bones.